SAINT AT LARGE – Proud Promotional Sponsors of ‘Ascension’ – Fire Island

Best. weekend. ever.

Did you know that there is this magical island not far from NYC that houses entire slews of the hottest men on the planet? Well it’s there, we just discovered it, and we never want to NOT be there. Saturday after assuring ourselves a crash pad once we arrived, we headed on a short train, bus, and ferry ride and discovered what heaven most likely is. Throngs of gorgeous men had descended upon Ascension weekend on Fire Island. On the ferry our girlfriend spooked Carson Kressley sitting right behind us, trying to keep his hair looking fierce in the wind. As we pulled into the harbor you could just see tons of speedoed men walking hand in hand or cocktail in hand. The gays have the entire island folks, and anything goes. We stopped by Ascensions check-in area and were so happy to grab ourselves our new favorite bag. An adorable gift bag, chock full of goodies from Lady Gaga and Diesel! So we put on our new Gaga shades and marched towards the music.

Unfortunately we missed the Friday night launch party, but we heard the Countess was fierce and had her Real Housewives of NY co-star Kelly Killoren Bensimon there for support while she turned the gays out with her latest single.

First stop was the pool party. Well scratch that, first stop was a roadie bloody mary, then we hit the pool party. The house the party was held was right on the bay and we could hear the music from the other side of the island basically as we walked over. DJ Lina started the afternoon off and Corey Craig concluded with the pop beats that made us want to splish-splash like we were taking a bath with hundreds of men. The place was packed and in between dancing our asses off, we’d jump in the pool to cool off and flirt with another sexy guy. Seen in the VIP area: Drew G, Matthew Camp, Mr. Gay US Eddie Rabon, Stephen Pevner, Guy Smith, Brian Rafferty, Rob Montenegro, and Matt Maggiacomo. The afternoon in the sun concluded with a cute performance by Amanda Wilson. As we were leaving we caught a glimpse of Kristine W. being wheeled around on a golf cart. Relaxing her heels after her concert from the night before.

Next stop was the Ascension Tea Dance, held at an enormous house on the bay. We rocked out to music from the Perry Twins and a live performance from Mia Martina as the sun set. We were living for the dance floor that basically was floating out in the water it seemed. Set up on a deck. The event was concluded by an awesome firework show out over the water and everyone just stared in amazement and silence. We were all ready to get pumped to a live show by Crystal Waters at Whyte Hall, but something occurred and the bitch cancelled much to our chagrin. Oh well, we just decided to hit up some more Tea Dances. DJ Xavier and DJ Vito Fun were turning the crowds and there was a Spank party at the Ice Palace. Things got a little hazy at that point. VIP open bar all day takes it’s toll.

Sunday we picked ourselves up off the floor and removed the twigs from our beard and hit the beach for the main event. The Ascension Beach Party! Our friends were walking away from the scene and we thought it was not a good sign. They told us, “It’s not pumping yet. Only 5 muscle queens hanging around the dance floor.” That didn’t stop us though. Hey no line at the bar? Done! They must have been taking crazy pills because by the time we got there there were hundreds of guys already in line all showing up. Thanks to our VIP status we skipped the line and walked right up to the entrance. Some little worker cunt tried to read us and said “Um, excuse me, do you not see the line.” I flashed my VIP pass and said, “No no honey. This here pass means I don’t have to wait in any lines.Thank you.” and glided right on by. DJ Brett Henrichson turned it the F out as the opener for main attraction Lee Dagger of Bimbo Jones! These hotties were playing every song we wanted to hear. We danced so hard, every time we’d tried to break, another amazing mix would come on and suddenly we were back on the floor. Then things got really intense when Dragonette came out and performed her hit single “Hello!” We jumped up and down so hard we had that beach vibrating. Seen: Andrzej Zabicki, Mark Lander, Franco DiLuzio, Vincent Vega, Michael Lucas, Reichen Lehmkuhl, Jay Roth, Vito Fun, Adam Koch, Wilson Cruz.

Sean Patrick Ryan (producer of the weekend) had this to say post-event. “I can best sum up the weekend by quoting one of our attendees:Ascension 2011 was a sensational weekend that brought new life, new energy and a new resurgence to Fire Island Pines. Not only was every event was packed more than ever before, everyone without exception had the best time because it was THE BEST PARTY ON THE BEACH IN HISTORY! Everyone discovered something new about our wonderful island. It will always be remembered and will always be spoken about.”

We stopped into the closing party to say hi to Drew G on our way out. The clouds opened and rain came down, but that did not stop the queens from dancing their asses off. Our highlight was dancing to “It’s Raining Men” in the rain. Magical. At the end of the weekend, our friends practically had to drag us to the return ferry home, kicking and screaming profanities and cursing the end of such extreme fun. All in all, we lost our camera, soaked our phone, maybe lost a little of our dignity, and possibly the guy we’ve been dating. This weekend was epic.

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